Screw Up

Just when you think you’ve got it all figured out, everything fucks up. Everything gets screwed. Then you wonder why you do the things you do. You wonder what’s the point of everything and it brings you back to those lonely dark nights when your pillow was your best friend, soaking up all the pain you oozed out. You don’t want to go there but you got on the wrong bus. Kicking and pulling and struggling and crying and shouting till your lungs give in, you try to escape but everything closes in on you. Life is suffocating you and everything is falling apart but all you can think about is the one piece in the puzzle that might have changed everything. If only you had the smarts. If only you had the guts. If only you weren’t such a foolish sentimental loser who ends up stabbing himself all the time. And you know very well, while you are crumbling, that there are people watching in delight. They can’t wait to see you destroyed because when you were strong you were too selfish, too proud, too much of a complete prat to help them. And now that the roles have changed, now that life is turning upside down, all they wanna do is sit down and laugh at you. And you just let them. Because you are dead.